Wait Staff: I know it’s a hard job; I did it. I know people are annoying, obnoxious, and sometimes just plain stupid. I know for most of you this is not a career and you’ll be gone in six months. Nevertheless, for that time, could you at least look like you want to be there? I don’t expect a song and dance, but if you could not look like you just came from the Holocaust Exhibit that would be great. I tip really well.
No Man’s Land: It’s the section of tables between the booths that no waiter/waitress wants. If you aren’t going to assign someone specifically; put the chairs in back until needed.
Low Supply: “ I’m sorry; we’re out of that”. This is fine if I am at a restaurant that features unique daily specials or only uses seasonal, available ingredients. However, if your menu says, “proudly served here for over 30 years” there’s no excuse. If you do run out of something, place a piece of black tape over that item on the menu. There is no need to tease.
Music: I am sick of eating to the following genres: Classic Rock (seriously, if I hear The Eagles during one more meal I’m sending Don Henley the check), Current Hit Country, Soft Rock, and Lite Jazz. I know the idea is to play something familiar or soothing so the customer is comfortable and will eat more. Just for kicks though let’s mix it up. How about Classic Country and Modern Rock? Why not Hard Jazz or even Classical? Surely, restaurant owners and operators have personalities. They express it in their food, why not the music? P.S. If you are a theme restaurant, never mind.
Children: Ok, technically this isn’t a restaurant problem. If your child is not capable of sitting still for at least an hour, don’t bring them to a real restaurant. I don’t care if kids under five eat free; no one wants to hear them crying or see the smashed crackers under the table. This is what McDonald’s playgrounds are for. It’s a free service; take advantage.
Portions: I know I’m overweight, but there is no way I can eat all that at one sitting. The worst offender is the dessert. Recently as part of a party of four I experienced Chocolate Cake for Two. Two what!? Sumo wrestlers!? The four of us couldn’t eat it. We’re throwing away too much food.
